Knock, Knock Knockin’ on an Armaguard Truck Door
Every major city has a ‘gay’ suburb. In Melbourne, it’s Prahran. I had to go to Prahran with someone else from my work today, and she also happens to be gay. There’s a great game you can play called in Prahran called “They’re Gay”. Basically, all you do, is sit in Greville Street in Prahran, and look at everyone walks past. As each person walks past you say “They’re gay”. Or: “They’re gay too”. “They’re gay”. “They’re definitely gay”. “Can’t get any gayer than that”. “They’re gay”. “They couldn’t be gayer if they tried”. “They’re beyond gay”. “That’s not his girlfriend, that’s his sister, and he’s gay”. Etc, etc, etc.
What’s with this big-beat new version of the Channel 7 news theme? It’s like someone’s gone and done an industrial remix of the news theme! Of course, there are plenty more shows that could benefit from an industrial mix of their theme - eg, Play School, (”It’s a freaking BEAR IN THERE”), Ricki Lake (”GRRRRRRRRRRR RICKI”), Rex Hunt’s Fishing Adventures (could almost make it watchable), and Hey Hey It’s Saturday (actually, that show is such in the pits of dismalness that it’s beyond being saved). I’d also appreciate it if Aerobics Oz Style changed their musical format so they exclusively aerobicize to industrial music. Talk about limbs flailing everywhere - and that’s just the sick perverted old men who secretly tape Oz Style to slobber over.
School holidays began in Victoria today, and already there’s teenage dickheads causing havoc in the city. Today when I was on my lunch break, I was crossing the road and there was an Armaguard security truck parked at the lights (you know those trucks, they look like they’re made out of Lego, they’re so cute and… square shaped). Anyway, 2 kids hid out of view of the driver’s side window then suddenly started pounding their fists on the door. The driver shat himself. So much for being the big tough security guard guy. His companion looked just as scared as he did. (Actually, his companion looked like he was made out of Lego too. Sorta cute and… square shaped).