This morning, as I stumbled out of the house still half asleep (well, that’s what happens when you stay up late 6 nights in a row - God, I love Nodoze tablets), I noticed I was a bit low on petrol and decided to fill up.

I’ve already mentioned here that I dread going to my local service station early in the morning because the shop has too many colours in it for that time of day. I’ve noticed that lately my trips to the service station seem to be unluckily coinciding with the time that the Torquay garbage truck decides to fill up on petrol. This has happened the past few times I’ve gone to the servo. So now I have to put up with garish colours and bad smells… and that’s just the guys who are driving the truck…

Then as I continued on my way to work, I started sneezing. I’m one of those people who sneezes in sets of two (now there’s something the X-Files hasn’t touched yet), and I managed to sneeze out 3 sets of double sneezes. It’s bad enough sneezing while you are driving, let alone knowing that when you sneeze for the fifth time, a whopper sixth is on it’s way. Because I was sitting there sneezing so hard, every time I sneezed, I sort of veered across the highway. A white car a distance behind me started flashing its headlights at me, and I thought I was getting picked up for the cops for bad driving, but when I pulled over, the car just went on by. That’s a good way to get idiot drivers like me out of your way.

I remember when I was going to high school and I just got my P plates, me and my mate would sit on the side of the road in my car with a giant high powered torch, and flash it on and off real quick at drivers going past so they’d think they got caught on a speed camera. Ahhh, the genius of youth…

At work we had a Christmas morning tea, which meant everyone had to bring in a plate of something. I just bought a pack of biscuits from the supermarket, but when I asked my mum if I could have a paper plate this morning…

Me: Do you have any paper plates?
My mum: (narrowing eyes) Why?
Me: I need one for work today.
My mum: Oh. Do you really need one?
Me: Well, I’d sure like one.
My mum: Hmmmm.
Me: Can I have one?
My mum: I don’t know. Hmmm.
Me: Why not?
My mum: Oh, go and take one then. (sigh)

I thought she might have been acting like this because she didn’t have many paper plates left and she wanted to save them for when she really needed them, but when I had a look at how many she had sitting in the pantry, well, let’s just say - a pack that big has been bought in bulk.

When the morning tea was served, an enormous array of cakes, chips, biscuits and other assorted munchies. Myself and a few others including Monowoman were standing around eating with our managers and team leaders, when Monowoman decided to say:

“You know what we should do? We should all go down to the basement carpark and smoke some bongs, then come back up here and just have munchies all morning.”

That’s what I call career advancement.

*****

Every year my uncle reckons he’s going to build a pool, and always tells me of this fact, usually around this time of year, when summer has just started…

(1996)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool. I’ll have to come around and swim in it when it’s built.

(1997)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool. I’ll have to come around and swim in it when it’s built.

(1998)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool. I’ll have to come around and swim in it when it’s built.

(1999)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool, I’ll have to come around and - hang on…
My uncle: What?
Me: A pool, eh?
My uncle: Yes…
Me: Ah, a pool. An in-ground pool. So what are you going to fill it up with? Shit?

*****

Today as I was walking back to me car, I noticed one of the pedestrian crossings was slightly stuffed. You know when you get that sound signal that it’s ok to cross the road? Well, this one was running slightly faster than it should have. This was one of the older style crossings with a fast clicking noise to let you know you can cross the road, rather than the newer-style electronic beepy type ones. This particular crossing was clicking so fast, it sounded like a Spanish tap dancer on speed.

*****

Me and Ms. J, who I sit next to at work, are both blonde. Very blonde. Witness this conversation we had today, when we misheard each other a couple of times:

Me: I can’t wait to finish work tonight, I’m going to Rebel Sport to get my weights and stuff.
Ms. J: You’re going to Melbourne?
Me: Huh?
Ms. J: You’re going to Melbourne to get your weights?
Me: No, Rebel Sport.
Ms. J: Ahhh. You should go on Boxing Day, it might be cheaper.
Me: I should get a boxing bag? Hmm, that’s an idea…

This entry was posted on Friday, December 24th, 1999 at 6:02 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.