Every morning at approximately 6.15am in this house I hear this noise coming from my shower… “Mwaaaaaaaaaaaagh!” Every morning I’m woken up by Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. I knew it was of human origin but it was quite a challenge coming to some sort of conclusion as to which orifice it originated from.

This morning when I heard Mwaaaaaaaagh I thought I’d go into the bathroom and check. My dad was in there having a shower, and I asked him what the hell he does every morning when he emits Mwaaaaaaaagh. Apparently he’s clearing his nose and his throat all at once.

*****

Last night:

Channel Ten news reporter: There are now 15,000 homeless people in Victoria, which basically amounts to 15,000 individual problems.
Me: Problems? Hmm. Maybe some homeless people don’t see it as a problem. Who’s to say they don’t enjoy being homeless?

*****

I checked out the crappy free encyclopedia CD-ROM that came with my computer to see what they had under the heading ‘Echuca’ (Australia’s most boring and crappiest town, for the uneducated). It didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know except that “Echuca’s major industries include the processing of rice, tomatoes and vegetable products, meat, and yoghurt”. Now there’s a theme park just waiting to happen.

*****

The other day I was talking about the mysterious toasty bread stuff that was served up to you at the start of every time you went to Sizzler. Krystelle has totally shattered the magic of Sizzler by emailing me to let me know that the mysterious topping is parmesan cheese and lots of butter, then it’s fried.

If this wasn’t enough shock, I went to work today and told Ms. J this, when she retorted:

Ms. J: Of course they use parmesan cheese. I could have told you that.
Me: How?
Ms. J: I used to work at Sizzler.
Me: Oh My God.
Ms. J: That’s right. I was a Sizzlerette.
Me: Well, don’t spoil the magic any further. I’ve already had one Sizzler mystery totally shattered.
Ms. J: I even know what kind of bread they used.
Me: I DON’T WANT TO KNOW. Don’t ruin it.
Ms. J: They used Buttercup Country Split bread. You can get it at any supermarket.
Me: Aaaaaaaaargh! (hands over ears)

*****

Adam and I both made idiots of each other on the phone last night. First it was my turn:

Me: I was looking around for some car stereos in the post-Christmas sales. I went to Strathfield Car Radio, they had some pretty good deals… do you have Strathfield stores in New South Wales, or are they only in Victoria?
Adam: Where the hell do you think Strathfield is? Sydney. Hahahahaha.
Me: Hmm, I knew that.

But later…

Adam: Have you ever had frozen milk?
Me: No?
Adam: If you make up some Quik and freeze it, it tastes pretty damn good.
Me: Actually, I seem to remember another company bringing out a product like that.
Adam: Yeah?
Me: Mmm, but I can’t remember what it was called. Oh hang on… I think I remember… oh that’s right, it’s called ICE CREAM.

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