Today a workmate of mine sat on a donut.

Workmate: Oh my God - I just sat on a donut!
Me: Who cares about you? Imagine how the poor donut’s feeling.

Are you thinking of trying one of those Cheesy Crust Pizzas? Well, if you think that you’d like to eat something that tastes like a giant version of that rubber ring on the end of condoms, go right ahead.

I had someone on the phone today trying to sell me an $80 raffle ticket to win a new Ferrari. He was going “Oh, but we think this is quite a reasonable price”. I said “Yes, if I was Kerry Stokes,” and hung up. You know, I bet there’s at least one guy out there who bought a new Ferrari and then sued Ferrari because his new car didn’t make his penis bigger.

I also found out recently that one in six new cars that are sold today is a four wheel drive. This means that one in six new car buyers are wankers.

Conversation I had with the SWEETIE!! woman (see 26th April’s entry) at the milkbar near my work today:

Me: Why the hell would I want to buy Diet Coke? It tastes like coffee water.
Sweetie Woman: But it has more chemicals in it. That can only be a good thing.

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