From now on, I’ll probably never have to worry about what the hell a baguette is ever again. They’ve been appearing on my work cafeteria’s menu board for some time now and have caused continual debate.
From now on, I probably won’t ever get to visit the Powerhouse Museum’s LEGO Action Show with my boss. In […]

Adam, Rick and myself saw the Rammstein concert on Wednesday night last week. Adam and I were going to travel to Rick’s place together, but when I rang Adam he said he might be working a bit late.
‘You can’t work too late, you know,’ I pressed. I got a loud yell in response - something […]

It was Australia Day yesterday. Thanks to a invasive British settlement which resulted in an Aboriginal genocide, Australians got Friday off work!
I’m sure many people will be having wild weekends due to the holiday, so I present for you today a tool to guage how good your weekend really was. Please use on a regular […]

Metallica fan: Oi! Oi! Oi!
Me: Oh, I see a Metallica song is the most played song on this jukebox.
Metallica fan: Yes! They’re the best!
Me: That’s what Napster users tell me.
Metallica fan: Um… Napster?
Me: Never mind.
Metallica fan: Oi! Oi! Oi! (bangs head)
Me: So. They’re a bit crap now, aren’t they?
Metallica fan: WHAT?
Me: Come on. They’re slowly […]

As I have mentioned previously, I will shortly be relocating myself back to Melbourne. Living in Sydney has been a great experience (not counting the hordes of British backpackers), but I believe Melbourne is the place for me to be.
Which is a pity, because although I prefer Melbourne over Sydney, there are aspects of Sydney […]

Scene: A Russian spaceship, late 1960’s
Cosmonaut 1: How many days have we been here now?
Cosmonaut 2: Three days.
Cosmonaut 1: Such an amazing journey.
Cosmonaut 2: Yes.
(An explosion sounds, followed by an alarm)
Cosmonaut 1: What is that?
Cosmonaut 2: Alarm! A puncture in the craft, most likely.
Cosmonaut 1: Shit!
Cosmonaut 2: I will check the controls.
(Cosmonaut 2 hastily floats […]

Today I witnessed or was on the recieving end of four insults, which I present for you here. Please attempt to use them in casual conversation tomorrow (ESPECIALLY number 4).
1. One of the girls who sits near me has just got her hair cut really short. Everyone thought it looked really nice.
Me: Hey, that looks […]

Recently I was lying in bed and saw a strange shape moving around in the blinds covering the window above me. After giving the blinds a quick whack, I realised that it was one mother of a giant spider.
‘It’s a tarantula!’ Adam murmured, half asleep next to me.
‘I don’t think so,’ I replied. ‘It’s got […]

My boss and I have been known to frequent a particular eatery on our lunch breaks. They serve nice food and the atmosphere is ambient (read: not filled with sneezing children and an all-you-can-eat bar).
There is a reason we don’t visit the eatery that often, though. The reason is an American waitress named Amber. It […]

Scene: Newtown, home of dodgy pubs and many restaraunts; earlier this month
Adam: I am hungry.
Me: So am I.
Rick: Let’s find somewhere to eat.
Adam: Okay.
(we walk for five minutes)
Rick: Oh, Indian. That looks nice.
Me: Indian sounds great.
Adam: Didn’t I tell you about my rule?
Me: What?
Adam: I don’t go out to Indian restaraunts.
Me: Why?
Adam: Are you […]

This is a list of everything I’ve ever spoken badly about in my journal, up until today. Er… I don’t really boycott these things, you know… however, it doesn’t take much for me to badmouth something.
Anyway, on with the list, in chronological order.
Sydney CityRail Security Staff
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 16 1999
I put a Melbourne train ticket […]

A Seven Step Guide For When You’ve Just Woken Up In The Gutter From A Very Big Night Out.
1. Walk down one of the main streets of the city you happen to be in (eg Melbourne = Bourke St; Sydney = George St, etc).
2. Turn left into a side street.
3. Turn left again into an […]

I don’t know about you, but I had a brilliant Christmas. Actually, no - it was the weekend before Christmas that I had a great time.
I flew down to Melbourne for the Christmas weekend to spend the holiday with my family. I really felt like going out on Saturday night, but I didn’t really have […]

Late last year I fell victim to blackjack, and became a gambling addict.
Oh, alright. I was only seriously addicted for a couple of days, but I was still addicted. So I was a Diet Coke kinda gambling addict, but I’m crap at everything I do, so that’s okay.
Since then, I’ve had a go at blackjack […]