Boycotts
January 14, 2001
This is a list of everything I’ve ever spoken badly about in my journal, up until today. Er… I don’t really boycott these things, you know… however, it doesn’t take much for me to badmouth something.
Anyway, on with the list, in chronological order.
Sydney CityRail Security Staff
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 16 1999
I put a Melbourne train ticket in a Sydney train ticket machine by mistake, and caused the ticket barriers to malfunction. The security staff chased me.
McDonalds
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 21 1999
They asked me if I wanted a drink with that, when I only ordered a Coke.
Also, I asked for a choc chip muffin and they gave me a blueberry one. I took it back and they gave me another blueberry one. And again, and again. It took them five goes to get my order right. Also - don’t you think ‘golden arches’ sounds like a particularly nasty disease?
Nissan
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 28 1999
The horn in my car started tooting all by itself because the exhaust stuffed up. It only tooted when my car stopped near attractive women or truckies.
Harvey Norman
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 28 1999
The dumb song they use in their ad always gets stuck in my head. They also sold Adam PC software when he has a Mac. They swore it would work okay.
The No-Name Brand
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 03 1999
The very idea of Imitation Raspberry Flavour Cordial is ridiculous.
Mountain Dew
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 05 1999
It looks like urine. Also, on the label, it says it’s a ‘citrus flavour drink’. I’m sorry, that’s too vague. Please try again.
Children’s game shows
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 06 1999
The hosts of children’s game shows are fuckwits.
Entertainment Tonight
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 21 1999
Far too many stories on Pamela Anderson’s breasts than necessary.
Gladiators
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 22 1999
Just because.
Pizza Hut
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 03 1999
The ring of cheese on their Cheesy Crust pizzas tastes like a giant version of the rubber ring on the end of condoms.
Owners of 4 wheel drives
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 03 1999
One in six new cars sold is a 4 Wheel Drive. In other words, one in six new car buyers are wankers.
Y2K
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 05 1999
Although it’s a bit too late to boycott this now.
Gilette
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 13 1999
‘The Gillette Mach 3 Razor: 3 blades specially positioned to extend gradually closer to your beard; 3 blades to shave you progressively closer; 3 blades with less need to reshave; 3 blades which give you 3 times a more painful shaving cut than normal’.
Echuca
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 31 1999
Where the hell do I start? My biggest boycott of all! Echuca is the crappest town in all of Australia, somewhere in country Victoria. Major industries of the town are the processing of rice, tomatoes and vegetable products, meat, and yoghurt. Now there’s a theme park waiting to happen.
Eddie McGuire
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 08 1999
Or, as he now wishes to be called, the ‘Totally Ruthless and Undisputed Master Of The World’.
‘Golf Life’ magazine
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 25 1999
Golf and Life are not two things that go together.
Microsoft Office
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 01 1999
If the little Paperclip Man Office Assistant asks me if I’d like help writing my letter one more time, I’ll hit him. What next? Is he going to ask me if I’ve remembered to brush my teeth today?
Naprogesic
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 08 1999
I was once tricked into taking this brand of period pain medicine when the person who gave it to me convinced me it was headache medicine. I guess I’m just bitter.
The Jam Factory (shopping centre in Melbourne)
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 10 1999
They obviously couldn’t decide what colour scheme to use when they built The Jam Factory, so they simply decided to use every single colour in the spectrum. This place could send you blind.
Greenpeace
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 16 1999
I always get singled out in large crowds by Greenpeace, and they come and harass me and try to make me give them money.
Crown Casino
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 29 1999
They promote claustrophobia, if you go there on a Saturday night.
The Annual International Conference For Christian Booksellers
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 30 1999
Did you ask me if you could hold your event in my hometown? NO
King Sized Bags of M&M’s
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 05 1999
Kings eat 20 grams more of M&M’s per serving than commoners do, apparently.
Sydney’s Millenium Convenience Store
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 15 1999
Any business with the word ‘millenium’ in it is bad.
The person in the St George Bank Dragon costume who hangs around the finish lines of triathalons
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 29 1999
When you’ve just finished a physically exhuasting marathon, the last thing you want to see is this idiot prancing around.
Hungry Jacks
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 29 1999
Everyone on their ads eating hamburgers looks like they’re simulatenously recieving oral sex, judging from the looks on their faces.
Tonsils that swell to gargantuan proportions
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 02 1999
Not being able to breathe is only fun for the first five seconds.
Reverend Fred Nile
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 03 1999
I highly suspect he once left erotic messages in my old guestbook. Bad Reverend!
Shane Gould
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 03 1999
Olympian she may be, but this really is no excuse for listing ‘Healthy Australian’ in your list of official titles.
Australia Post
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 03 1999
I went through menopause while waiting in an Australia Post queue.
Cinemas who screen warnings against the use of laser lights before movies
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 04 1999
What can they do? Arrest you? Imagine that in jail. ‘What are you in for?’ ‘Drug trafficking. You?’ ‘Shined a laser light on a movie screen showing Mickey Blue Eyes.’
Pringles
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 05 1999
The packet says they’re packed in ‘a protective atmosphere’. Like where? A women’s refuge?
The Gamate
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 07 1999
Okay, so the product never really got off the ground, but this really was a poor choice of name for a Game Boy-type product. Would you really want to admit to your mates you’d been up all night playing with your Gamate?
Breakfast menus featuring only Spanish food
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 09 1999
I’ll have juice for breakfast. That’s all, thanks.
Melbourne’s Colonial Stadium
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 12 1999
The modern version of Stonehenge: A stupidly big pointless structure to totally confuse future generations.
Angelsea’s ‘The Cafe Latte’
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 12 1999
THE worst name for a cafe I’ve ever seen.
Donkey Kong
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 14 1999
Come on. Monkeys don’t wear fucking ties!
The German version of Apple Quicktime
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 15 1999
This is one bitch of a program to uninstall, if you don’t know any German. Don’t even ask how it ended up on my computer.
Suspiciously translated modem manuals
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 15 1999
MOST PEOPLE USE THE MODEM SOFTWARE PROGRAMS TO TELL MODEM WHAT THEY WANT TO DO! OR WHAT THEY WANT TO NOT DO! THEREFORE YOU MUST NOT USE THE COMMANDS IN THIS CHAPTER! HOWEVER, IF YOU PREFER TO HAVE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR MODEM DIRECTLY, YOU CAN TYPE IN THE FOLLOWING COMMANDS. THIS CHAPTER WILL BE HELPFUL!
Tim Bailey
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 15 1999
One of the most annoying/psychotic people on TV today. Will soon be mumbling ‘if there’s even gonna BE a tomorrow’ after each of his weather forecasts.
Jowls
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 17 1999
One of my biggest phobias - women’s arm jowls and men’s cheek jowls in particular. Even the word ‘jowls’ I find repulsive.
Meat and fruit
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 17 1999
You don’t mix these two things together. Especially apricots.
Mint flavoured consumables not designed for breath freshening purposes
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 17 1999
Mint is just not right as a flavour for anything but breath mints.
Yooralla
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 18 1999
Nothing against them as a charity, but they sent me a leaflet with the following text:
“Morgan is a precious gift to us. His twin brother, Lawson, died shortly after birth but Morgan miraculously survived, despite the odds of arriving 12 months premature.”
Wow, 12 month premature baby! The baby knows you’re pregnant before you do.
Solariums
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 20 1999
I’ve kicked the dirty, dirty solarium habit; but when I went to a solarium once, the assistant was showing me that they had sunblock cream available. You know, if you wanted to cover up any sensitive parts of your body. The guy kept motioning towards his nipples, so I was saying ‘You mean my nipples?’ and he was too embarassed to utter the N-word.
Also, solariums smell like burnt flesh, but I guess there’s a very good reason why.
People requiring urgent medical assistance who are also rude
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 19 1999
Sure, you might have an appendix about to burst, but it doesn’t mean you should reserve an appointment at your local doctor by throwing rocks against their window.
John Burgess’ Catchphrase
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 22 1999
The Apocalypse will begin during the ad break of the 666th episode of Catchphrase.
‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 22 1999
Come on. Seriously. If you gave someone all the presents in this song, they’d have 354 presents. Sure would make for an interesting garage sale though.
Workplace Christmas decorating contests
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 23 1999
At one of my old jobs, there was a contest to see which office could decorate their area the best. The winning entry was entitled ‘Kangaroos for Christmas’ and featured turd-brown polystyrene kangaroos towing a giant inflatable Santa around in a sleigh.
Lying relatives
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 24 1999
(1996)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool. I’ll have to come around and swim in it when it’s built.
(1997)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool. I’ll have to come around and swim in it when it’s built.
(1998)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool. I’ll have to come around and swim in it when it’s built.
(1999)
My uncle: I’m going to build an in-ground pool this summer.
Me: Cool, I’ll have to come around and - hang on…
My uncle: What?
Me: A pool, eh?
My uncle: Yes…
Me: Ah, a pool. An in-ground pool. So what are you going to fill it up with? Shit?
Defective pedestrian crossing signals
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 24 1999
I encountered one of the older style pedestiran crossing signals with a fast clicking noise to let you know you can cross the road, rather than the newer-style electronic beepy type ones. This particular crossing was clicking so fast, it sounded like a Spanish tap dancer on speed.
Roses chocolates
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 29 1999
Every single flavour of Roses chocolates sounds like a product from the Body Shop. Take a look at the box next time you eat some – Orange Cream, Classic Fudge, the list goes on…
Solitaire.com
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 29 1999
This site allows you to play competitive solitaire against players from all over the net. Talk about defeating the purpose.
Cliff Richard’s ‘The Millenium Prayer’ video clip
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 29 1999
Are the Christian Television Association producing for you too, now?
Arseholes who kick me in the balls on New Year’s Day
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 01 2000
It’s happened two years in a row now. Seriously!!
Subway
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 03 2000
I can’t refill my drink, even though there’s a big sign in the window advertising otherwise? So who’s going to stop me, the Subway Police?
Channel 7
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 05 2000
Their new logo looks suspiciously like a charity ribbon.
Corio Village (shopping centre in Geelong)
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 07 2000
You feel overdressed if you’re merely wearing jeans.
Emergency Necklackes for the elderly
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 07 2000
Those necklaces with buttons that senior citizens can use to call emergency services if they fall over or are in trouble - what if you fell over on the necklace and broke it?
Zoloft
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 07 2000
This medication sounds like the name of a superhero. And like all great superheroes, this superhero would have a weakness: anxiety.
Parents who thinly veil their eavesdropping
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 09 2000
“I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help overhearing…”
Triple J
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 11 2000
After their breakfast newsreader finishes her broadcasts, she has this little pause without fail after every news bulletin: ‘You’re listening to… (three to five second pause) Triple J’. It’s not as if she needs to take another breath, she should have sufficient oxygen in her lungs to finish her sentence. Is she taking a bite of toast?
People who know shit-all about cars
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 11 2000
A fellow workmate once tried to tell me all morning that her parents had bought a Poojob, when it eventuated she actually meant Peugot.
Diet Coke
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 13 2000
It contains phenylalanine. Do you really want something called phenylalanine in your body? And apparently, if you drink enough of it while pregnant, it can kill your baby.
Cherry Coke
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 13 2000
The US cans of this drink warn ‘in laboratory testing, this product was found to cause cancer in laboratory rats’.
Woman’s Day magazine
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 14 2000
Headlines like ‘Fat Frumpy Fergie Fights Flab Fast’ aren’t necessarily breaking new grounds in journalism.
O
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 14 2000
The Oprah magazine. Also the sound that people make when they hear that Oprah has a magazine.
Diet Dr Pepper (now withdrawn - woohoo! My first boycott success!)
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 15 2000
Why go to the trouble of adding watered down coffee to an ashtray when you can buy it bottled?
Fontfreak.com
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 16 2000
Tell me that a website with fonts available for download like ‘Five Finger Discount’, ‘Fish Dicks’, ‘Breast Bomb’, ‘Hundreds of Dead Crack Babies’ and ‘Sniping Kids for Candy’ isn’t run by a bunch of sickos.
Yazz
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 16 2000
That is NOT a word.
The Commonwealth Bank
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 16 2000
Sign in carpark: ‘By parking in this carpark, you accept that the Commonwealth Bank, Australia takes no responsibility for any injury or death that directly results from parking here.’ You’re scaring me. I’ll pay my credit card bill soon, I promise!
Recorders
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 16 2000
The most fucking wheezy rasping instrument known to man.
Gay Air
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 18 2000
A gay airline? Think about it. All the flight attendants will have to be straight. Also, ‘Gay Air’ sounds like an air freshener.
Avacadoes
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 18 2000
They’re just freakish. One of my most feared places is Avacado World Theme Park in Queensland.
Shop-A-Dockets
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 20 2000
Vouchers on the back of supermarket receipts, offering such value-for-money deals as one free can of Coke with every 15 whole chickens bought at the local take-away food outlet.
Anyone who names Australian country towns
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 21 2000
With towns like Come By Chance, NSW, 2832; Eggs and Bacon Bay, TAS, 7112; Hat Head (I’m not kidding), NSW, 2440; Streaky Bay, SA, 5680; it’s no wonder more and more people are leaving the country for the city.
Maggi Tomato 2 Minute Noodles
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 22 2000
They’re red and they look like entrails.
Stupidly Themed Food Outlets With Novelty Food Names
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 22 2000
There’s a food outlet in Geelong called Big Bopper which makes pretty decent hamburgers, but the hamburgers have got ridiculous names. I’d prefer to ask for a “cheeseburger”, not a “Super Cheesy Bopper Burger”. The dumbest hamburger name on the menu is the “Super Greasy Bopper Burger”.
Dawson’s Creek - The Concert
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 23 2000
?!
KFC
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 23 2000
A recent promotion for KFC read ‘Try our bucket!’, referring to a bucket full of chicken. Fortunately, the first thing I’m looking for after eating KFC is a bucket, so it would come in quite handy.
Poorly-run consumer survey groups
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 25 2000
When they phoned me to update my profile, they asked me if my birthday had changed.
Fake tan
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 28 2000
Sorry, were you trying to look like you have a tan or attempting to disguise yourself as an orange zebra?
People who say ‘by the skin of my teeth’
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 28 2000
I’ve never seen someone with such a rare condition before. It must be so painful having skin and flesh grow over your molars.
Friends who embarass you at music festivals
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 01 2000
‘Is that the Corrs I can hear playing? I swear I can hear the Corrs…’
Coles Supermarkets
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 01 2000
In the Geelong Coles supermarket, a sign on one of the doors reads ‘Warning: This door is alarmed.’ Picture it - you’d go to open the door and it would scream in terror.
Car alarms
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 03 2000
Everyone hates them, but I specifically hate the ones where the alarm stops for about three seconds and you sigh in relief, then it resumes louder than before.
Coca-Cola’s ‘Dynamic Ribbon Device’
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 08 2000
What’s so dynamic about it? It’s a squiggly line, for crying out loud.
The ‘Grandma’s Phone Talk’ phone sex line
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 10 2000
Discounts if you have a seniors card!
Baby Spice
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 10 2000
‘When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a checkout operator when I grew up. I loved the sound of the cash register. Bing!’
Netball
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 10 2000
The only way you could inject some excitement into this game is by allowing players to incorporate karate moves.
Fruity-Bix
STARTED BOYCOTT: FEBRUARY 11 2000
Don’t listen to anyone: this is just the crap dance remix of Weet-Bix.
The Gregory’s Sydney Street Directory
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 01 2000
It’s as difficult for me to find a street in this street directory as it is difficult for me to locate the clitoris.
Maxibon
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 03 2000
A Maxibon is an icecream, but it sounds like the name of a tampon.
Misleading job advertisements
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 03 2000
It turns out a business advertising jobs for people ‘with creative minds to work in our large call centre’ was a phone sex company.
Collective gay consciousness
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 03 2000
Pet hate: when people ask me ‘is (name of celebrity) gay?’, as if I can give the definitive word. Sure. Just let me go grab my fagpedia.
The National Rugby League
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 03 2000
There are some pretty dumb team names in the NRL. I don’t care what anyone says, the Roosters is a really, really dumb name for a footy team… Gobblegobblegobble! Oh, hang on, that’s a turkey.
Microsoft Encarta
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 03 2000
Apparently in Microsoft Encarta (Microsoft’s encyclopedia), they proport different facts for different versions. If you look in Microsoft Encarta, the light bulb was “simultaneously” invented by Thomas Edison and Britain’s Joseph Swan in the American edition, but Edison disappears in the British version. Microsoft Encarta, now available on CD-ROM, DVD-ROM, and pianola roll formats.
Canberra airport
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 07 2000
Call me a bastard, but there’s something funny about a lisping announcer. ‘Attenthion ladieth and gentlemen, Qantath flight four eight theven from Thydney hath landed at gate thix!’
Macy Gray’s skinny body
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 07 2000
(To the tune of ‘I Try’)
I try to eat and I choke
I try to swallow and I chunder
Though I’m in denial, it’s clear
I’ll die of bulemia within a year
The person who registered the personalised numberplate ‘DATSIK’
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 07 2000
That was SO my idea. I bet they didn’t even have a Datsun.
Fourteenth century England
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 09 2000
Would you have liked to dance around a fucking maypole every day? No, I didn’t think so. And lepers would come along and breathe on you, too.
Doritos corn chips
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 10 2000
They smell like feet.
Craig McLachlan and Check 1-2
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 10 2000
Did I mention I still have a copy of Craig’s album on cassette tape? Because, I… er, don’t.
Disgusting analogies
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 10 2000
I’ve heard couches owned by bachelors described by woman as ‘IVF couches’ - as in you could get pregnant from it.
Materialistic people
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 11 2000
If you were always trying to be friends with the kid who had the Lego pirate ship set or the electronic version of the Battleship board game when you were in primary school - I’m talking about you.
Yahoo!
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 11 2000
Why haven’t they employed Yahoo Serious as a spokesman yet? Christ, I’m a marketing genius.
Scientology
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 13 2000
After an… interesting debate with a passionate scientologist, I had a Satanic curse put on my seed. (The guy liked to think of himself as a Satanic Wiccan Scientologist). It’s a pity that I won’t be doing anything useful with my seed.
Sydney Cityrail’s ticket machines
STARTED BOYCOTT: MARCH 29 2000
On the ticket machines, it warns ominously ‘Do not insert more than 10 coins!’ Why? Will it explode?
Mushroom pizza
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 02 2000
In what is now an infamous event, I was eating lunch with Kini and her friend Trace. I described their favourite lunch item, mushroom pizza, as ‘fruity’. Screamed accusations ensued.
The Cheese Room
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 02 2000
In the GPO food hall in Sydney’s city, there’s a refridgerated giant room full of cheese. Expensive cheese. I refuse to pay $200 a kilo for cheese - besides, I’m yet to taste a cheese that’s better than Kraft singles. (Also, the smell of the cheese rom lingered on me all day - and I had a job interview to attend)
Danoz Direct
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 02 2000
They produce infomercials, which makes me all the more suspicious: don’t you think Danoz sounds Satanic?
Timberite
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 02 2000
This Melbourne company makes timber products. One of these is the ‘Well Hung Door’. I kid you not.
That new-age ‘Ameno’ chanty song Optus uses in all their advertising
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 02 2000
What’s Optus’ slogan? ‘The power of Yes’? ‘The power to induce murder’ more like it, after I’ve been on hold with them listening to that stupid song for half an hour.
Palmolive Shower Gel
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 04 2000
…comes with a free ‘body puff’. That sounds suspiciously like a sexual act to me.
Killing Heidi performing cover versions of Silverchair songs and totally murdering them
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 04 2000
Silverchair version: ‘Won’t you come with me, to a place in a little town…’
Killing Heidi version: ‘Won’t you come with me, woo yeah, to a place in a little town babe yeah woo yeah…’
The band Crow
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 04 2000
Their singer tried to hit me a number of times after I said things about them that I shouldn’t have on community radio (while they were in the next studio, no less. What was I thinking??) They’ve disbanded now.
Picture magazine
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 04 2000
Sections like ‘Me and My Boobs’ make women’s jiggly bits sound like they’re an indepedent entity of the person they’re attached to. Also, I saw a job advertisement in the paper for a graphic design position at Picture magazine, which read thus: ‘1. Go down to the newsagent and buy our mag. 2. Have a read through it and marvel at the hot totty in the centrefold. 3. Write to us with your resume’.
Roots Canada
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 14 2000
In Canada, you may be a clothing store. But sponsor an Olympic team that’s visiting Sydney, and you’ll soon find out that ‘roots’ has a very, very different definition in Australia.
Fashionating and Clothes Encounter
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 14 2000
The worst names for clothing stores I’ve ever seen.
Five month old potatoes in a cupboard underneath the sink
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 14 2000
Well, not so much potatoes as black goo.
The giant ‘checkout information screens’ at Coles Express stores
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 14 2000
These monitors display the name of the product and its price as each item is scanned.
Checkout chick: (weighs pumpkin and scans it through checkout)
Customer: (reads screen) Oh, it’s a PUMPKIN! I would never have known what it was.
Action Man
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 17 2000
There are many, many different types of Action Man - but only one bad guy. Action Man Jungle Warrior - vs Badarse Punk In Ripped Singlet With Pink Mohawk! Action Man Scuba Diver - vs Badarse Punk In Ripped Singlet With Pink Mohawk! Action Man Policeman - vs Badarse Punk In Ripped Singlet With Pink Mohawk!
Phone company representatives lurking around train station entrances
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 17 2000
I can’t even enter a train station without a representative from AAUUPTSmartOneChatNetTel Pacific trying to sign me up to a bodgy phone plan.
Public weighing scales
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 17 2000
I saw a set of scales with a sign reading ‘For your correct weight insert 20 cents here’. If they had any brains, they’d also have a sign reading ‘For your decidedly innacurate but ego-pleasing weight, insert 20 cents here’.
LA Ice Cola
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 24 2000
LA Ice Cola has a name that sounds American, and the ads feature an American voice-over. If you check the LA Ice Cola label, it says ‘Produced in Australia by Pure & Natural Bottlers under licence of the LA Ice Cola Company (patent pending)’. PATENT PENDING?! If it’s already an established American cola (as I’m sure they’re trying to lead us to believe), surely their patent would have been approved a long time ago! I believe that the LA Ice Cola Company is a made up company in Australia, and they’re making it appear like a big US brand name so it sells well. Well, I’m not falling for it. I can’t find any reference on the web to an American LA Ice Cola company. Also, it tastes worse than Schweppes Cola.
Ingham Chicken and Cheese Balls
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 24 2000
They tasted nice, but I’m worried that now I know what it would be like to eat testicles.
Absolut Chocolate Magnum icecreams
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 27 2000
This icecream breaks an confection convention by using Easter Egg chocolate during a period that isn’t Easter.
Fly Buys
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 29 2000
Let’s be honest, the Fly Buys points scheme doesn’t really get you free flights. I’m over being harassed by checkout staff for a Fly Buys card, too; and being treated like a leper when they discover I don’t actually have one.
The Beastie Boys
STARTED BOYCOTT: APRIL 29 2000
They’re only on this list because I’m totally jealous of them. They get to YELL for a living, for crying out loud!
Nintendo’s Virtual Boy
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 01 2000
Now thankfully obselete, this was a shoulder-mounted headset that had rather shite black-and-white vision you squinted at through a set of bizarre goggles. It should have been called the Epilepsy Boy, perhaps.
The Logies
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 01 2000
I rather liked the touching, somber sequence of pictures of Australian actors and actresses who’d passed away during the year - which was immediately followed by an advertisment for the ‘mayhem, madness and laughs of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos!’
Edna’s Table restaraunt
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 08 2000
This restaurant was across the road from my old bus stop in the city, and at around 8.15 each morning this guy would walk out the front of the restaraunt and create a small lake on the pavement of Clarence Street. See, there’s a couple of trees outside the restaurant so leaves fall on the pavement during the night. I can understand they want the restaurant to look clean, so why not get a broom and sweep the leaves away? No, that would be too easy. The proprietors of Edna’s Table see it fit to grab a high-powered hose every morning and spray the minimal amount of leaves away with hundreds of litres of water. It’s so painful to watch, there’s so much water being wasted and the dumb thing is, a broom would be MORE effective. The guy will just stand there for minutes with his hose pointed at the one leaf, pinned to the pavement by the torrents of water, until it moves into the gutter. Then he starts hosing down the GUTTER of all things!
The Password Shuffle and Sniff Dance
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 08 2000
Whenever you need someone to type in a password of theirs on your computer (for example, at work), you do the Password Shuffle & Sniff Dance. You sniff, look around, and shuffle from side to side just so that the password person knows you’re not looking.
Kleenex
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 14 2000
When do you use tissues most? When you have a cold. Can you smell anything when you have a cold? No. So I ask you: why scented tissues?
Wordstar
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 14 2000
Obscure word processing program which offers ‘asshole’ as a spell check correction suggestion when you type ‘associate’ incorrectly.
Sydney CityRail announcements
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 14 2000
I was standing on a train platform, when the CityRail disembodied voice man announced ‘This train is now leaving - please stand clear’. I’m quite used to hearing this, but in this case there was no train on the platform. I should have screamed ‘AIEEEE - GHOST TRAIN!’ and ran away.
Eurovision Song Contest
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 16 2000
The Eurovision song contest (which I will never, ever pretend to understand) last year featured an Israeli band named Ping Pong (which is probably Israeli for Limp Bizkit). I found an interview with the band on the net:
Interviewer: The song contains the phrase: ‘I want a cucumber’, what does it mean?
Singer: The meaning is in the eye of the beholder.
MC Hammer
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 22 2000
From ‘U Can’t Touch This’ by MC Hammer: ‘Why would I ever stop doing this/When others make records that just don’t hit?’ Mr Hammer - I believe it was every other record you released after the ‘U Can’t Touch This’ single that didn’t hit.
The Queen Victoria Building
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 22 2000
I noticed a sign in the Queen Victoria Building shopping centre here in Sydney that reads ‘Thank you for not smoking at the Queen Victoria Building’. So it’s perfectly okay to smoke INSIDE the building, but you’re not allowed to stand outside and blow smoke AT the building.
Mr. Pop
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 22 2000
The scariest board game I played in my childhood was Mr Pop. Mr Pop was this strange face-shaped piece of plastic with little holes in his face. You picked up a card that had a face on it, and you had to sort through all the face pieces (eyes, noses, beards, etc) and stick them into the holes on the face (Mr Pop). The idea was that you had to match the face on the card with the face on Mr Pop, but if you didn’t do it quick enough, his head sprang forward and all the face pieces went flying up in the air. This used to terrify me as a young child, especially the ticking noise Mr Pop made as he counted down until his face exploded. If I were to be a serial killer, I’d take my childhood terror of Mr Pop and wreak revenge on society, by killing people, cutting off bits of their faces, then putting them on head-shaped pieces of plastic.
Smorgy’s
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 28 2000
The Smorgy’s restaraunt in Geelong has got to be one of the worst places to eat that I can think of. This is like a nautical version of Sizzler - you have to walk out all the way along a pier (usually battling gale-force winds from the ocean surrounding you), and then you’re at Smorgy’s. Their smorgasboard has almost every kind of food you can think of - except it’s all battered. The place is usually full of screaming children running around the dessert bar. I also don’t like the suspiciously sticky floors of Smorgy’s. Whenever I visit (it’s never by choice) I pray like hell we don’t get seated near the animatronics installation. There’s this giant fucking robot seal in the middle of the room. Every fifteen minutes strobe lights flash around the whole restaraunt and every child in the joint runs screaming over to the robot animal, and it starts talking to them about how great Smorgy’s is, jerking its head around in a very authentic simulation of an epileptic seal.
Johnny Rocket’s
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 28 2000
I’m not sure if they still exist in Australia but there used to be a chain of cafes called Johnny Rocket’s. Johnny Rocket’s was a theme restaurant, in the style of a 60’s American burger joint. They suffered the fifteen-minute-intermittant-crap Smorgy’s syndrome though. Every fifteen minutes, some 60’s song would start playing really loudly, and all the staff would roll their eyes as if to say ‘Oh Christ, not again’. Then all the lights in the restaraunt start flashing, and the staff get on top of the counter and run around in the restaurant, and they all dance. The problem is, they all do it with such long faces that they look like they’re really hating it. To make matters worse, it’s painfully obvious that they were hired for their cooking skills and not their dancing skills.
7-11
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 28 2000
Me: Can I have a bag of ice please?
7-11 attendant: Sorry, we don’t have any ice today. We ran out of ammonia.
Druggo flatmate: (in stoned disbelief) You put AMMONIA in your ice?!
Barbara Cartland
STARTED BOYCOTT: MAY 28 2000
She’s dead now, and I think this is a good thing; because I personally wouldn’t feel very comfortable reading hot steamy romance that I know has been written by a 98 year old woman.
Contemporary art
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 04 2000
As far as I can gather, if it’s something that’s a bit weird and features naked people, animals, coffins, opera singers and at least two bodily fluids, you can call it contemporary art.
The amount of money I spent at Chaosmusic.com in 2000
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 04 2000
When they send you a share prospectus, perhaps it’s time to re-evaulate how much you’re actually wasting on their CD’s.
Waterbeds
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 20 2000
Are you thinking of buying a waterbed? Invite me over tonight when you go to bed and just lie there. Whenever you make the slightest move, I’ll jump up and down on the bed for three minutes. See if you still want a waterbed after that.
The SBS TV show ‘Going Home’
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 24 2000
An interesting idea for a drama: it’s set on a train every night, following the train trip home of a group of people. Pretty unrealistic, though - it really should just be 30 minutes of footage of people sleeping.
Purple rubber ducks
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 24 2000
The only thing I could want less for a present is one of those giant Swatch wristwatches people hung up on their walls in the 80’s.
Hungry Jacks restaraunts
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 28 2000
Who is Jack? Why is he hungry? Does he really believe he’ll get a meal that will satisfy him at Hungry Jack’s?
KFC restaraunts that have run out of chicken
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 28 2000
What does the C stand for, then?
VRML
STARTED BOYCOTT: JUNE 28 2000
‘Virtual Reality Markup Language’… it’s going to replace HTML. No, seriously.
Twisties
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 06 2000
Think of those really skinny poos you have to strain out, except in a delicious cheese or chicken flavour.
Menthol cigarettes
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 06 2000
Look, I’m smoking Tic-Tacs!
Sea World
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 11 2000
While on holiday, my parents ate fish for lunch at Sea World while they watched a dolphin show. I’m no vegetarian, but there’s something about this that’s not quite right.
Yakult
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 16 2000
It tastes like shit, but drink it every day and you might look fashionable.
Shower sex
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 16 2000
Sure. Getting water up your nose and having waterlogged ears is as erotic as it gets.
RealPlayer
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 16 2000
I heard if you dig hard enough into RealPlayer past the ads, there’s actually a program which plays streaming audio and video from the internet! Wow!
‘All Music Video’
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 18 2000
This video clips show programmed kd lang at 7am. Talk about a shock to the system when you’ve just woken up.
The Delifrance chain of cafes
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 18 2000
What’s firstly suspicious is that the main meal of the day Delifrance caters to is brunch. Very suspicious, no? Also - almost every written piece of information at ANY Delifrance location is written in French. Be it the menu, the little tags stuck into food on display - absolutely anything. They could be writing anything they want! You may think you’re smart by ordering a little French cake in the French tongue - but you may really be asking for ‘a piece of shit shovelled up from the back room - and an orange juice, thanks.’
Bridge Road in Richmond, Melbourne
STARTED BOYCOTT: JULY 18 2000
There’s no bridge on Bridge Road.
Weeties
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 03 2000
Which may as well be called Wheezies as far as I’m concerned. For some reason they make me choke and induce asthma. Vita-Brits are another breakfast cereal guilty of this crime.
Honeycomb
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 03 2000
Biting into this is almost a miniture version of scraping your fingernails along a blackboard.
Anti-fizzed Coke
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 03 2000
I had a wheesy chainsmoking friend in high school. Whenever I went to his house and he offered me a drink of Coke, he would pour it in the glass, then blow into it to get rid of the excess fizz. ‘I can pour the drink quicker this way,’ he explained. Sure, it’s also a far quicker way to give me your respiratory diseases.
Star Trek fans
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 10 2000
Instead of conversing in regular, everyday language, they first have to turn what they want to say over in their heads. Once they’ve managed to substitute every word for a similar one which has more syllables, they will reply to you in their gobbledygook.
The woman on Telstra’s ‘Your last unanswered call was from phone number…’ service
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 10 2000
Most of the time when I check for missed calls, there haven’t been any, but the woman is so SNIDE when she tells you this.
Snide Telstra cow: There are NO unanswered calls. You have NOT been charged for this call.
This directly interprets to:
Snide Telstra cow: You have NO friends. You should be glad we’re not charging you for this call because you have NO money.
Gay and lesbian talent quests
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 10 2000
Entry classifications:
1. A group of four guys around 25 trying to look 16, all with peroxided hair, doing their best at being a boy band.
2. A drag queen miming with a DJ.
3. A fucking angry lesbian acoustic guitarist.
Leisure Log Pine Products Pty Ltd
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 17 2000
Sexually suspect business names, #851.
Diehard Apple Mac fans
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 26 2000
‘Oooh! The new Mac Cube can be turned on just by running your finger over the top of it!’ Yeah, and I hear you can turn it off by kicking the crap out of it.
Coles Express supermarkets
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 26 2000
The name of these supermarkets is quite misleading - they try to make you belive the service is far quicker than a regular Coles supermarket. This is not the case at all. The lines are longer. The aisles are skinnier. It’s more crowded. The security guards have a lower level of trust. It’s darker. It’s more claustrophobic. They only have little baskets instead of shopping trolleys. People lining up at the checkouts are fascinated by the checkout displays (ooh, they feature banner ads!) And in select Coles Express locations, the staff wear berets. I used to go to uni with a guy who worked at Coles Express and was forced to wear a beret. People called him Pierre all day. See? Staff morale is lower at Coles Express outlets too.
Sunk Loto
STARTED BOYCOTT: AUGUST 28 2000
Think of the Oompah-Loompahs. Then think of them in a metal band.
Club Med
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 06 2000
It may as well be called Club Ded - you only go there when your social life is in need of serious resuscitation.
Being so stoned you can’t get up, and you’re stuck in front of a music video show guest programmed by Savage Garden
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 06 2000
Excrutiating.
Caramel latte
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 06 2000
Now hang on here. Caramel latte? That’s seriously invading in my territory. Caramel is quite clearly part of the junk food group, something I take great pride in consuming. Latte, however, is obviously a coffee product. I don’t want the two worlds merging together to create some sort of scarily inticing lah-tay product. Keep the caramel out of this, sickos. Don’t even try to tempt me with a mocha. In fact, don’t even try to make it look junky to me by calling it a ‘choc-a-chino’.
Pornos with beyond dodgy storylines
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 11 2000
‘A dead rock star comes back to life in ghost form on Christmas day, to have sex with all his devoted fans one last time.’
The Sydney Olympics opening ceremony
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 17 2000
That ‘underwater’ sequence? One word. LSD.
Tina Arena
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 19 2000
Currently embarking on her umpteenth pop music comeback attempt. Sorry, Tina. The images of you jumping around in a bosomy dress shouting ‘I Want Your Body’ are still too recent in my mind, personally.
Olympic-themed drinking games
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 27 2000
Drink until you throw up every colour of the Olympic rings… or maybe not.
Channel 7 sports announcers
STARTED BOYCOTT: SEPTEMBER 27 2000
Channel 7 commentator: And look at Michael Klim’s parents over there… (sounds of shuffling of papers, as if checking something) Sorry, that’s Michael Klim’s PROUD parents…
Call centre jobs
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 02 2000
If you’ve ever worked in a call centre you’ll be familiar with the Hourly Bog Break, where your hourly trip to the toilet provides solace from the angry customers you deal with all day.
Cher
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 02 2000
‘Do you believe in life after love?’ Maybe. But what about you? Do you believe in terrible comebacks after career failures?
Tying string around your finger to remember something
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 02 2000
The only thing that’ll make me remember is to not cut off my blood circulation.
Faking it
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 10 2000
I’m trying to get out of the habit of throwing mayonnaise around everywhere and saying ‘well, that’s it.’
Ian Parmenter, host of TV cooking show ‘Consuming Passions’
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 10 2000
“…and now let’s add more ALCOHOL to this salad! Mmm, I better taste that! Nope, MORE ALCOHOL!”
Sydney’s Blue Mountains catching on fire every summer
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 20 2000
This publicity stunt for tourism isn’t working anymore.
Red Rooster
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 20 2000
Red Rooster features a chicken in their logo. If other fast food restaraunts followed suit and also included depictions of the originating animal of the food they serve, what the hell would the McDonald’s logo feature?
Hewlett Packard printers that insult my intelligence
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 20 2000
‘Unable to print document. Either the document’s application is not installed, there is not enough memory to load the application, or this application does not support printing (for example, sound files cannot be printed).
Moving walkways
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 25 2000
Adam and I were having a mock Mortal Kombat style fight on a moving walkway, because these are the kind of scenes used in games like this. It ended kind of bloody when I fell over and cut myself, though. Fortunately, moving walkways are only found in airports and on Gladiators (also home of the Atlasphere™).
Impulse Airlines
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 25 2000
A flight attendant appears at the front of the plane mid-flight and throws a sandwich at your head: You’re flying Impulse Airlines. You are offered to hire an ‘Optional Customer Care Package’ for $10 at the beginning of the flight, which consists of an oxygen mask and life jacket: You’re definitely flying Impluse Airlines.
The statue at Village Cinemas, Crown Casino, Melbourne
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 25 2000
The Village cinemas at Crown feature this giant statue in their foyer, and the most prominent feature of this statue are the physically impossible buttocks. They are very pert (that’s my favourite word to describe buttocks), but the left cheek is sort of… pointy. It’s not quite right. The whole thing looks like a bum on steroids. (The Village Cinemas in Melbourne’s city actually have a buxom lady statuette in their foyer. It appears Village Cinemas are completely obsessed with T&A).
Buskers who embrace bogan culture in an attempt to get more money
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 25 2000
An accordian version of ‘Eye of the Tiger?’ Mummy!
Telephone conversations with my mum that degenerate into petty arguments
STARTED BOYCOTT: OCTOBER 31 2000
We tackle gritty social issues such as ‘Is Sport Deodorant Stronger Than Regular Deodorant?’ head on.
Poorly spoken threats
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 07 2000
Adam once threatened me with a ‘feng shui’ attack as he leaped into the room, kickboxing the air. I told him that would be really pleasant if he could my furniture around for me.
Iggy Pop
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 07 2000
It’s completely unfair that he can get away with dancing like a knob and I can’t.
Alcoholic friends who leave strangely subliminal messages on your voicemail
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 13 2000
‘Case of beer, case of beer, case of beer, case of beer, case of beer. Ta-ta.’
Vegeterians
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 18 2000
Vegetarians confuse me. Meat’s fantastic. There’s nothing wrong with killing animals and gobbling them up, as long as they’re not looking at me. Oh, and as long as they’re not fish too - that helps. Fish are disgusting, because they smell like fish. But meat - everyone loves meat. People have made a living from meat. Some people find certain cuts of meat sexually arousing. The art world is always creating odes to meat. Prince even once recorded a very rare album which was one big ode to meat - ‘Rave Un2 The Meat Fantastic’.
Poor parenting skills
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 18 2000
Where most children were given Freddo Frogs on their mum’s weekly shopping trip, my sisters and I had a revolting meat-type substance known as strasberg forced down our throats whenever we visited the butcher. For a short period of time I went on strike and refused to partake in the strasberg sillyness, but I was quickly slapped around the head and told to eat the meat and shut up. And people wonder why I turned out gay.
Workmates who don’t listen to instructions
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 18 2000
I was explaining to an old workmate how to use a photocopier when she first started working with us. ‘Just put it in the paper feeder like this,’ I said, placing the pile of pages on top of the machine, so it was loading into the automatic paper feeder. ‘Then you can just walk away.’ ‘Why are you putting the paper in the copier face up?’ she demanded. ‘It’s a paper feeder,’ I explained. ‘This is the way you copy it.’ ‘Face up?’ she repeated. Thus began a witty interchange about which way up the paper was supposed to be loaded:
Kazza: Face up?
Me: Face up.
Kazza: Face up?
Me: Face up.
Kazza: Face up?
Me: Face up.
Kazza: Ah. You’re joking! Ha ha ha.
People who have ‘666′ tattooed on their forehead
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 29 2000
It may be a dumb thing to do, but perhaps it has its advantages. At least you’d never forget your PIN number:
Satanic thug: (typing numbers into ATM, simulatenously trying to see his reflection in a nearby window) Nine… nine… doh!
Fashion
STARTED BOYCOTT: NOVEMBER 29 2000
After conversations like these, I’ve just given up:
‘You look nice today,’ I brownnosed. I was going to make the most of this meeting.
‘Yes,’ she responded, patting her jacket. ‘It’s because it’s black.’
‘Black?’ I wasn’t sure what she meant.
She sighed and explained. ‘Black is in fashion.’ ‘Oh. I’m never in fashion,’ I excused myself.
‘Well, wear black,’ she advised. ‘Black is the new black.’
‘What happened to black?’ I wondered aloud.
‘It’s just… you know… black,’ she dismissed with a wave of her hand. ‘Now, everyone wears BLACK.’
‘Right,’ I struggled to understand. No wonder I only wear metal and car tshirts.
Jamiroquai
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 05 2000
There’s nothing that cries out ‘I’m a half-potty rock star!’ like a disturbingly large collection of hats (especially if you’re heterosexual).
Midi files of Madonna’s ‘Cherish’ on homepages
STARTED BOYCOTT: DECEMBER 05 2000
Let me guess. Are you gay?
Star City Casino, Sydney
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 11 2001
Star City uses a Moby song from his album ‘Play’ in their advertising. They’ve broken an unwritten rule of advertising there - Moby’s album ‘Play’ is supposed to strictly only be used for car ads.
Getting gay bashed by a gay man
STARTED BOYCOTT: JANUARY 13 2001
Don’t ask how, but it happened to me.
