Generic Conversation With a Metallica Fan
Metallica fan: Oi! Oi! Oi!
Me: Oh, I see a Metallica song is the most played song on this jukebox.
Metallica fan: Yes! They’re the best!
Me: That’s what Napster users tell me.
Metallica fan: Um… Napster?
Me: Never mind.
Metallica fan: Oi! Oi! Oi! (bangs head)
Me: So. They’re a bit crap now, aren’t they?
Metallica fan: WHAT?
Me: Come on. They’re slowly inventing a genre of fag metal.
Metallica fan: They’re fuckin’ ace, man.
Me: So let me guess: Master of Puppets is your favourite album.
Metallica fan: How did you know that?
Me: A guess. So I bet you were really impressed with the artistic turn they took when they released ‘Load’.
Metallica fan: Um… (pauses).. yeah!
Me: (bangs fist on table) What the fuck are you talking about? They all got haircuts and started making McMetal! All I’m waiting for is that band manager of theirs who likes to have a bash behind the drumkit every now and then to come out of the bloody closet!
Metallica fan: Oi, now hang on. Metallica are fuckin good, orright?
Me: You’re talking about a band that recorded bad live versions of their songs with a symphony orchestra, man.
Metallica fan: Hey, that was a good album, and that.
Me: I see.
Metallica fan: Yeah.
Me: So what other bands do you like?
Metallica fan: ACDC, Guns N Roses, uh… (quietly) Warrant…
Me: WHAT?
Metallica fan: Um.. Warrant.
Me: Is this Warrant as in ‘She’s My Cherry Pie’ Warrant?
Metallica fan: Yes.
Me: BWA HA HA HA!
Metallica fan: (sigh)
Me: You suck, man.
Metallica fan: Just you wait until their next album!
Me: Yeah, I’ll download it off Napster.