Survivor III
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Sydney, Tuesday: Channel Ten announced today that the network has acquired the rights to the Australian version of the hit US TV show Survivor and that work is ready to begin on the new series.
Shortly after the announcement was made, Ten reported hundreds of hits on their website from eager Survivor fans, keen to audition for the show.
‘It’s quite a miracle,’ a spokeswoman from Ten noted. ‘I’d forgotten we even had a website.’
Available roles for audition on the show’s website include Whinging Artist Female Wearing Bandana, Irritating Gay Male 1, Young Male Limp Bizkit Fan, Fairly Anonymous Female Voted Off On Show’s First Episode, and Female Confined To Bikini With Inevitable Model Contract.
Ten refused to comment on who would be hosting the show, but hot tip is Rove McManus after the network unsuccesfully attempted to woo Richard Wilkins with a generous salary package.
‘Unfortunately Richard Wilkins is busy with his, uh… entertainment reporting commitments,’ the Ten spokeswoman lamented. Entertainment insiders have confided that Ten then elected to award the hosting role to Australian television’s third biggest fuckwit, Rove McManus, after discovering Steven Jacobs was busy attempting to sell a movie reunion of his TV show All Together Now to major American film studios.
Tens of Australian Survivor websites have already popped up with rumours abound. After some cross-examination of Ten network spokespeople, we can exclusively reveal that the Australian edition of Survivor will be filmed in New York. The show is to be titled Survivor III: Stupid Americans.
A press release leaked from Ten’s PR department reveals that the challengers will be confronted with dangerous gangs on every street corner, screaming inconsiderate loudmouths, flesh-eating crocodiles in the city’s sewers, and other cultural stereotypes and misconceptions.
A concerned mayor Rudi Guiliani stated that the television show and filming site would be scrutinised very carefully to ensure no damage was caused to the local wildlife.
Of particular interest to rumourmongers is details of the Tribal Council. Popular rumours suggest competitors will be cast from the show by the host screaming ‘Can’t yah see I’m WALKING HERE?’ in a Queens accent, before symbolically taking to the competitor’s head with a baseball bat.