Mix Tape for a Life-Threatening Emergency
April 7, 2001
Cursed with an industrial strength headache which seemed to last longer than an episode of Cash Bonanza, I cocooned myself in bed as soon as I arrived home yesterday from work; nursing a thumping head.
Having sensed my desire for some piece and quiet, our neighbours presumably quickly plotted revenge for myself and Adam’s endless barrage of blaring television, questionable singing talents and unrelenting industrial music.
But lighting a housefire? Maybe that’s going a little too far.
Fire engines whining directly underneath my bedroom window were the first piffling annoyance. Too tired to really be concerned, I merely hoped an evacuation wouldn’t be called for; because I really couldn’t be buggered getting out of bed and putting some clothes on.
To my own unbelief upon waking up, I actually managed to sleep right through the fire. I’d dismissed the possibility that someone in my block of apartments had discovered their bed was more flammable than suspected, ruining all sorts of Satanic sexual rituals. I couldn’t quite visualise the goths who live across from us looking all pouty, having sacrificed a little more than they’d initially planned.
Once Adam arrived home though, he was full of excitement: the gay guys in the other building actually had set something on fire. I don’t think they were home at the time, something must have just been set alight; but I don’t think anything was badly damaged. There was a hell of a lot of smoke though.
Adam and I don’t know these guys, but they always leer at us without explanation from their balcony when we walk past them. I don’t really have much sympathy for them, because I’m a bit of an arsehole. Besides, they nearly burnt down everyone’s apartment around us.
So I found it a little amusing when Adam began singing ‘The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,’ quoting The Bloodhound Gang’s song ‘Firewater Burn’. Then it hit me: why not make a mix tape for the two careless potential firebugs, to remind them of the horrors of having your place of residence oblitorated by flames?
It’ll only be a simple matter of downloading the MP3’s, so I anticipate I’ll be able to pop a cassette tape into the two guy’s mailbox within a few days. Currently, the list of songs on the tape is:
• ‘Firestarter’ - Prodigy
• ‘Relight My Fire’ - Lulu
• ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’ - Billy Joel
• ‘A Tendancy To Start Fires’ - Bush
• ‘Time To Burn’ - Storm
• ‘The Burning Red’ - Machine Head
• ‘I Have Nothing’ - Even
• ‘A Tendancy To Start Fires’ - Bush
• ‘Fuel My Fire’ - L7
• ‘Warmer Than Fire’ - Ash
• ‘Burning Inside’ - Ministry
• ‘Dead Bodies Everywhere’ - Korn
• ‘Burning Down The House’ - Tom Jones/The Cardigans
