Vagrant’s To-Do List
June 16, 2001
• Wake underneath bridge. Don tracksuit pants, ensuring minimum two inches of butt cleavage is visible.
• Navigate to major train station. Lie on pavement and pretend you’re just waking up. Yell at small children.
• Rant and rave about the Bible today? Nah, did that last two days.
• Open dictionary up to random page. Select random word. Navigate to major shopping centre and yell about selected word for an hour or so.
• Ensure face is optimally dirtied.
• Fossick through bins for yesterday’s newspaper and cigarette butts.
• Obtain price for train to Canberra. Repeatedly request train station attendees for train trip donation. Lost wallet last week. Girlfriend very sick. Dying!
• Scream inappropriately in public toilets.
• Navigate to police station. Wave fist and hurl insults.
• Navigate to Town Hall. Wave fist and hurl insults.
• Navigate to KFC. Wave fist and hurl insults. Incessantly annoying corporate character.
• Navigate to public toilets. Freshen up.
• Idly threat people selling The Big Issue and attempt to corner in on their territory.
• Freshen up? Fuck! No!
