The Snip Show
I’m convinced I’ve discovered the next Big Thing in TV. This is post-reality TV. I present: The Snip Show.
I admit, I’m borrowing a little from the talk show format here. But I ask you: when was the last time you had a genuinely intellectually stimulating conversation? One you enjoyed, debated with passion, began talking with such speed and ferocity that you churned up spittle to the point where people began doubting your rabies status?
That’s right: a hairdresser’s chair. Ladies and gentlemen: The Snip Show, where famous celebrities partake in interviews as the host cuts their hair in front of a live studio audience. The possibilities are absolutely endless.
Picture, if you will: the excitement of a guest appearance by Heath Ledger, as he drops in to reveal how he was nearly seriously injured whilst filming A Knight’s Tale - whilst having a spiffy crew-cut whipped up at the same time! Denise Drysdale dropping in to let everyone know about her upcoming national cabaret tour with Frankie J. Holden - and getting her bob spruced up for optimal shine! Natalie Imbruglia flitting on-stage to perform a track from her new album - with an industrial hairdryer firmly planted on her mug!
Even the right-hand-man of the show could have a useful role - there’s always a job for someone to sweep up hair cuttings from the floor. Regular crosses to the studio audience would feature Julia Morris or a similar desperate comedian handing out random audience Sunsilk gift packs in exchange for correct answers to quiz questions.
Of course, there would also be pre-taped segments of sensitive Oprah Winfrey-style interviews. These would be accompanied by a more subdued nail painting or facial.
Channel Nine would rejoice in its latest variety show success. The set would comprise only of two strategically placed, diagonally angled mirrors. After each celebrity’s hair had been cut, the catchphrase ‘So whaddya think?’ would be called out by the host as they spun the celebrity around to face the audience. The audience would then, as one, cock their heads and utter a thoughtful ‘Mmmm!’ as they examine the back mirrors.
After a roaring success of three series and selling The Snip Show format to 34 countries, Channel Nine pulls the show after Ray Martin walks out of a live broadcast in disgust. ‘How dare they tell me there’s “nothing they can do for me”,’ a visibly angered Martin would hiss to Channel Nine executives later that evening.
For fear of offending their network’s biggest celeb, the show is cancelled and replaced with reruns of The Best and Worst of Red Faces.