(Scene: a train station. I am happily waiting for my train, when a slightly distressed woman turns from her male friend to me).
Woman: Please settle this argument for me.
Me: Sure.
Woman: You know the song from Skippy?
Me: The kangaroo?
Man: Yes.
Woman: I did not ask you.
Man: I’m only t-
Woman: Fuck out.
(I note this interjection for use in […]

Hi, umbrella lovers! Wait until you see our new ‘n improved models for the new year! It may be grey skies and rainy days - but that’s exactly what you want, to show off your new 2002 Jeb Umbrella!
ManBrella™ 2002
This year’s model of the supersized umbrella for the real man, ManBrella™, features masculine curves which […]

We patiently wait our turn, curving around the miniature metallic fencing which collectively traps us in, screaming for mercy, simply wanting out; then the high mistress of torture demands of the woman quivering in front of me:
‘Do you have a Fly Buys card?’
The lady runs away screaming, having been toppled over the brink of sanity. […]