Are you joking? If I knew this, I sure as fuck wouldn’t be sitting here typing up crap for this site all the time!

It’s not every day you’re standing patiently at the traffic lights, idly performing your anal clench exercises when an elderly lady pulls a Jason Donovan and spontaneously falls to the ground.
I don’t mean a simple fall to the ground. I mean full-on, stay stiff as a plank and fall in a perfect arc, oh-my-god-what-are-all-these-purple-rats-running-around-me Jason […]

‘What’ll it be,’ sighs the beleaguered hairdresser with the enthusiasm of someone naked in a bathtub, filled to the brim with sulfuric acid.
‘Spikes, please,’ I politely reply, and engage in that awful hairdressing predicament where you’re forced to confront your own realities of ugly disfigurement, and stare yourself in the eyes for a full ten […]