One calendar year has almost rolled around since I began this job. It feels like I’ve only been employed here for a much shorter time than I actually have though, which I’m pretty sure is a good thing. (Or is that when you’re having great sex? Hmm).
It’s only become apparent to me that my stature […]

Disembodied phone voice: Thank you for calling E*Trade America’s international customer service hotline! Are you currently an E*Trade customer? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.
Jeb: Yes. (dramatic pause)
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.
Jeb: YES.
Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I […]

I bump and grind and oil myself up.
My eyebrow may rise suggestively, but my genitalia does not.
Frantically, I make exaggerated faux-masturbation motions behind an extremely frosted shower door.
I may dry hump someone like two drunken high school students, but still manage to cop a dose of what seems to be incurable impotence.
Oh yes. I am […]

Now, I’m a sucker for any kind of grocery-based promotion. Any contest which requires you to consume some variety of perishable much faster than you healthily should, in order to determine if some sort of prize is at the bottom of the packet, really tickles my marketing-related-activities g-spot.
The latest contest I’d noticed on our weekly […]