Disembodied phone voice: Thank you for calling E*Trade America’s international customer service hotline! Are you currently an E*Trade customer? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.

Jeb: Yes. (dramatic pause)

Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.

Jeb: YES.

Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. (thoughtful pause) Please say your E*Trade acccount number.

Jeb: (types in account number using phone digits).

Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say your E*Trade Account number.

Jeb: What, I can’t just type them in using my phone?

(empty pause)

Jeb: Apparently not. Sigh. Six. Four. Eight. Six. Nine. Four. One.

Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry. I did not understand that. Please say your E*Trade Account number.

Jeb: Oh, for fuck’s sake.

Disembodied phone voice: Unfortunately, I did not understand that. Please speak slowly and clearly.

Jeb: SIX. FOUR. FUCKING. EIGHT. MOTHER. SIX. FUCKING. NINE. ARSEWIPING. FOUR. CUNTING. ONE.

Disembodied phone voice: Unfortunately, I did not understand that. Please speak slowly and clearly.

Jeb: (has sudden revelation. In deep American southern accent:) Six. Four. Eight. Six. Nine. Four. One.

Disembodied phone voice: Thank you! Please state the nature of your enquiry, and I will attempt to field your call to the correct department.

Jeb: You’re fucking joking? I have to talk in an American accent just to use your fucking system?

Disembodied phone voice: I’m sorry, I did not understand that. Please state the nature of your enquiry, and I will attempt to field your call to the correct department.

Jeb: (in deep American southern accent): That is fucked, for a supposedly “international” customer service hotline. Bite my sweaty ball bag.

Disembodied phone voice: Did you say “Account Closure”? Please say… (dramatic pause) Yes or.. (dramatic pause) No.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002 at 8:32 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.