God bless Sky News. Filling the obligatory void for a news channel on Australia’s cable TV networks, they really do try so earnestly, it brings a tear to your eye.

I watch Sky News almost out of pity now - when those in the media industry used to note offhand that newsreaders had lost their jobs reading the Brisbane Channel 7 news, or Adelaide’s Channel 10 news, they were referred to as having gone to the “big newsdesk in the sky”. But now, that “big newsdesk in the sky” is actually Sky News.

Yes, the graveyard for all has-been news presenters whose hope to climb the ladder of success has been reduced to a television studio where they blink in sadness and monotonously mutter the news.

But it’s not just the newsreaders who’ve garnered Sky News’ reputation as a timely, albeit technically hilarious, resource of current events. The producers and vision switchers are just as guilty - it seems it’s always work experience week at Sky News.

Thus, I’ve incepted the Sky News Drinking Game. Please settle back with some alcoholic mixers, get a bit of John Mangos into ya, and proceed as follows:

* Vision of upcoming news stories set to hyperactive music gets stuck when previewing the first story, thus leaving the newsreader hanging with nothing to say while a picture of a politician remains stagnant on the screen set to a soundtrack of pumping drum ‘n bass - 1 shot (extra shot if newsreader’s chair is audibly heard squeaking as they shift around uncomfortably)
* The Sky News First Edition newsreader incorrectly announces Sky News’s website URL as “firstedition.com.au” - 3 shots
* Wilesee maintains an extremely perturbed look throughout the duration of an interview, having obviously been forced to promote someone of no real newsworthy consequence yet has been forced onto the show nonetheless to bump Sky News ratings: 1 shot
* David Koch treats the daily finance report like a comedy routine: 2 shots (extra shot for excess guffawing)
* Any newsreader attempts to perk up or use a curious tone of voice when mentioning the phrases “News on the hour, every hour” or “Headlines every fifteen minutes here on Sky News”: 1 shot
* John Mangos reading any news bulletin after 10pm and looking like he’d much rather be at home in bed with a hot chocolate and good book: 2 shots
* Wilesee pops into announce a preview of his show during John Mangos’ evening news broadcast, then settling back into his chair looking extremely uncomfortable and out of place, still in view on camera, as John Mangos continues his newsreading: 3 shots
* Sky News’s political editor commenting snidely on issues a if he’s conducting a gargantuan favour for the Sky News viewing population as a whole: 1 shot
* Any news reporter finishing their story by signing off with their name and TV channel, but Sky News editors attempt to edit out the true source of the story… unsuccessfully. This results in such phrases as “I’m Terry Brown, reporting for Seven New-” before cutting quickly back to the Sky News newsreader: 5 shots

God bless Sky News.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 6th, 2002 at 8:33 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.