Sunrage
January 18, 2005
I see that Latham resigned. That’s a shame. It would’ve been fairly symbolic, war-wise (even though he opposes Iraq), to eventually have our nation spearheaded by a man who gives off the impression of closing his eyes, counting to five, breathing deeply and silently mouthing mantras from his anger management classes before he can make any sort of announcement to the media. (Why didn’t he get tanked and break the arms of some Liberal heavies when he lost the election? He should’ve known he had nothing to lose, the little Aussie bleeder).
So, what next for Latham? I suggest advertorials, personally. Or a recurring, “hilariously” violent guest character in a sketch comedy (has anyone let Channel 7’s programming knob jockeys know that they forgot to add a ghastly sketch comedy to their line-up this year? Or am I completely misunderstanding the concept of Sunrise?)
In fact, yes. Sunrise could hire him - he’d go hand-in-hand with their already established stable of Laurie Oakes-league political commentators. You know, like Mikey Robins, and that screechy chick who used to appear on Beauty and the Beast and seems to still be checking over her shoulder for Stan Zemanek every five minutes.
Meanwhile, it’s time for today’s update of My Penis: The Circumcision Sitcom, also known as Everybody Loves Phimosis!
For want of a better word, I’ve run into a snag. Adam and I moved back to Sydney from Melbourne at fairly short notice in November. I’d already booked a few consultations with a hospital in Melbourne, but obviously had to cancel those.
Now, it turns out, there are no public hospitals in Sydney which have a public urology clinic capable of performing an adult circumcision. Which means I’m probably going to take up private health insurance and sit through a 12 month waiting period, unless I can come with a better idea. (I’d prefer not to have to wait).
It seems fairly odd that Sydney doesn’t have ANY public clinics for this, when Melbourne has at least four that I can think of. I’m still checking around, but it’s not looking good. Which really sucks.
The best idea I can think of is to use an interstate or regional public hospital for my two pre-operation consultations, and the actual operation itself. Ridiculous as this sounds, it works out over $1500 cheaper. I mean, my dick is pretty awesome (phimosis aside), but I can’t justify spending a couple of grand on it, for a private hospital operation. (Yet I’ll happily pore over laptop ads which cost the same amount and would probably buy one in an instant).
Surely there’s some sort of reality game show where I can win a prize to get this fixed? There’s an Aussie edition of Extreme Makeover this year, ain’t there? I should investigate.
Otherwise, I’ll have to resort to flying interstate to get this fixed. And the thing I don’t like about that arrangement, is that it makes me feel like a businessman flying from Asia to Australia’s Gold Coast for a penis enlargement operation.
