Something just dawned on me
January 19, 2005
Y’know what’s clobbered me over the head today, out of sheer surprise? Dawn Fraser has so far managed not to be wheeled out onto a major news program and jabber out her misguided opinions on a major sporting event (the Australian Open). My pickled memory assures me this is the first international-level pursuit of sport which Australians have participated in, which Dawn hasn’t haunted with a sneering, disapproving commentary on something like A Current Affair.
It’s sheer luck that she hasn’t tried to wheedle her way into general politics commentary. Doesn’t anyone else realise we’re one terrifying step away from a world where events like Latham resigning hit the news tickers, and Channel 10 news execs shout “Fuck! Wheel Dawn Fraser into the studio for her expert and ancient swimming-based opinion, immediately!”
The only plausible cause to Dawn’s silence is that a new Dawn has risen (ho, ho… I’ll just line up against that brick wall for a shot to the head). Lleyton Hewitt has been getting awfully mouthier than usual, lately. As Culture Strain rightfully pointed out last week, Lleyton is now quite buff, which has a not entirely dissimilar effect on me as meeting your other half’s parents, and realising that one of them is disturbingly hot (possibly even hotter than your own partner). But Adam’s parents are over 60, so let’s not draw any untoward conclusions there.
So Lleyton is repulsively buff and full of opinion. He kicked off his latest season of abuse and whinging by complaining about the quality of the court, and how badly it would effect his play (then going on to thrash his opponents anyway). Next, he was whinging about, god knows what, I stopped paying attention. His girlfriend’s periods or something. All this while he screamed at random events during his matches, and practiced with his shirt off for the media, prancing around as if his nipples were adorned with little Lleyton-tassles.
You watch. It’ll start with tennis in general, then Lleyton will broaden his reach - once Dawn Fraser finally carks it (she could be immortal, I’m not sure yet), Lleyton will be haunting us with a corona of unrelenting WHINGE around the entire country’s current affairs.
As a sidenote, someone should be sure to keep Dawn and Lleyton in seperate hemispheres from the current titleholder of Diet Dawn Fraser: Dick “I’ll Champion Australian Food Till the Cows Come Home, but Don’t You Dare Check Which Country Manufactures Dick Smith-branded Electronics Items” Smith. The combination would obliterate us all.
