Here I was thinking that Sami Lukas was fired from Today, but I tuned in this morning, and there’s still an over-stimulated dog wandering around the set. Did I miss something?

I’ve got an embarassingly low capacity capacity for facial recall. Usually, this trips me up if I’m at a party and meeting an endless assembly line of new people; but at least I’m probably tanked on beer at the time, so I’ve some tangible excuse.
Then there’s also the situation when you think you can remember […]

Synthetic ringtone. Office phone ringtone. Ascending ringtone. Salsa ringtone. Soundtrack to Sega Master System puzzle game ringtone.
Yes, you’re stuck on the train, alone in the carriage with someone else undergoing the intense dilemma of selecting a ringtone on their new phone.
The Star Wars theme. The Simpsons theme. The Addams Family theme. The Fuckwit Who Wears […]

Who defines “hot enough”? Since when did some select group of professional homos narrowly define what the world is supposed to consider an attractive man to be?

ADAM (practicing combat moves): Stay away! Don’t fuck with me! Or I’ll take your soul!
JEB (distractedly looking up from TV guide): I need my soul.
ADAM: I am a soul weaver! Rarrgh!
JEB: ….don’t you mean soul reaver? As in, that Playstation game?
ADAM: NO. (angry pause) Soul weaver.
JEB: So what, you make soul jumpers or something?
ADAM: What […]

The footy season starts tomorrow (sort of)!
I’m so excited, I’m currently getting pre-drunk in celebration of tomorrow night.

Speaking of my parents’ novelty Christmas presents, as I’ve already noted - this Christmas I received an eerie, liquid-filled stress ball of George W. Bush’s head. Perhaps aptly, if you study it from certain angles, his noggin looks like a map of the earth.
In the closest nod we’ll probably get in Sydney to the tarantula-stuffed […]

When it comes to Christmas presents, my parents seem to have located the only Granny May’s outlet still standing, and have encountered some sort of spectacular wholesale purchase deal.
The most promising gift of reasonable practicality I can hope for is a book. Everything else is a honking, fart-noise-generating, practical joke cacophony of novelty mugs, genuinely […]

I’ve always enjoyed living near the city, although our current house has presented a rather unique problem.
There’s a small corner store near here, which we frequent for simple grocery requirements. However, should we be after something markedly supermarket-esque, need to hire a DVD, or visit a newsagent… that involves a visit to Australia’s largest red-light […]

When it comes to fitness, I’m just there to maintain myself, not to excel and become some sort of gargatuan monster. Not dissimilar to Kerri-Anne Kennerly periodically trying her botoxed hand at hosting gameshows.
No, reducing the body’s capacity to support a neck and ability to fit inside a bathtub are strictly Adam’s role in this […]

Welcome to part one of an ongoing series which threatens to eclipse the otherwise sober scribings on this site! Excuse any keyboard slurrings any advance.
Tonight’s guilty admission: there’s a homeless guy who hangs around near our place, whom I find inexplicably attractive.
This isn’t the first occurance of such vagrant lust, either. There used to be […]

Cease referring to your products and services as solutions. You should not make me so angry about petty marketing terms when I am drunk, but you do. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Insert cry icon here.

My hair is now officially receding. This will likely set forth some terrifying chain of events in my life, starting with Soundgarden being added to the “classic hits” FM stations as of tomorrow.
Although, granted, I’ve had a bit of problem with hair from the word go. I’ve never been able to grow hair on my […]