Welcome to part one of an ongoing series which threatens to eclipse the otherwise sober scribings on this site! Excuse any keyboard slurrings any advance.

Tonight’s guilty admission: there’s a homeless guy who hangs around near our place, whom I find inexplicably attractive.

This isn’t the first occurance of such vagrant lust, either. There used to be a fellow who hung around the flagship Starbucks outlet on Elizabeth Street here in Sydney, who was a striking double of Kurt Cobain. He may have just been simply heroin-addled and comfortably sheltered at night, but that didn’t stop me from fumbling over my words whenever he bothered me for money at the traffic lights.

Woe, it’s even time to confess: I would deliberately ensure I walked home on that side of the road, to maximise my opportunity of encountering Kurtalike.

Then, ominously - around winter time, Kurt disappeared, and we moved to Melbourne. Although Melbourne’s homeless people are undoubtedly more buff and tough - you need to be, to survive in such cold weather all year round - there was no hotness to be found.

Once we relocated back to Sydney a few months ago, I noticed a decent looking, muscular young fella who lies around just up the road. I’ve even started saying g’day in the mornings as I pass by.

However, there’s something… not quite homeless about him. He has the most closely shaved goatee I’ve ever witnessed, never sporting any stubble of any sort. It’s got me wondering if he actually lives in the apartment building he sleeps outside, and simply suffers an ongoing tumultuous relationship.

As I’m intoxicated, this is following no cohesive structure. I’m just trying to explain… there’s no easy way to say “Would you like to come back to my place for a shower, a shave, and… let’s see what else happens” without sounding like you’re secretly filming a possibly illegal strain of reality-porn.

If my tales of adult circumcision, niplashes and guilt over avid Deal or No Deal viewing didn’t turn you away, hopefully the admission above will ensure blanket dismissal of this site.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 4th, 2005 at 9:07 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.