Losing Parts of my Body in the Western Suburbs
March 21, 2005
One of the great defining differences between Adam and I is our taste in music. I’m the slightly more wussy guy who is one step away from dislocating his neck due to headbanging, and Adam’s the big kickboxing man into happy hardcore dance (ha!) It’s one of the laws of the universe - my music is something I’m confident that Adam knows nothing about.
This was why it felt like a wayward planet had come flying through space and smashed open the back of my head when I spied Adam importing songs to his iTunes. My entire collection of Fear Factory songs - we’re talking every obscure B-side, the barely listenable dodgy EPs… everything. He pokerfacedly dismissed my concerns with a claim of genuine enjoyment of their music.
Whaaaat?
It’s all too weird. He’s also taken an interest in (hed) pe, who, granted are slightly more mainstream, but still definitely not regular Adam material.
It’s the musical equivalent of coming home to bust one of your parents wanking over a photo of your partner. Really. I’m not sure where all this will lead.
I’ve got the day off work today, which is ace. Well, mostly ace in terms of weighing up what I want to do the least today: drag my arse out to the western suburbs to work, or drag my arse out to the western suburbs to talk to a doctor about getting part of my cock chopped off. I’m having my initial appointment about my upcoming kerrrazy adult circumcision today, and am actually a little nervous for the first time about all this. (Probably moreso that I have to walk around in Penrith rather than the actual pending dick-chop).
When I get nervous with doctors, I start fucking up my stories. When I originally visited my regular doctor for a referral to this specialist, I was explaining why I needed the referral:
Jeb: So, uhhh… I need a referral for my psoriasis… my doctor in Melbourne told me the only real way to fix this was circumcision.
Doctor: (wide-eyed incredulity) You need a circumcision for psoriasis?
Jeb: Uhh… yes?
Doctor: This really is most unusual.
Jeb: Umm… really? There was a lot of stuff about it that I read on the net…
Doctor: It’s an extremely rare situation that you’d need circumcision.
Jeb: Oh God, you’re going to try and talk me out of it, aren’t you? I’ve had this conversation so many times.
Doctor: Well, when you’ve got psoriasis, you do–
Jeb: (sudden realisation) Oh, did I say psoriasis? I meant phimosis.
Studio audience: (collapses into Man Getting Nadded on Australia’s Funniest Home Videos-strength hysteria)
In an attempt to flag myself as a more viable stalker target, my hair is now purple, and I also appear to be pulling rock moves at the drop of a hat:
Wish me luck with the dick-chop appointment. Knowing what I’m like, I’ve probably had a misunderstanding and am going in for the actual operation today, completely unawares.
