Maletosterone
Last week, the guys who run the company I work at pulled me aside to let me know that my boss has taken on a new role within the company, and now I’ve taken her job for the time being. So it seems I’m in management all of a sudden, which frankly is constantly on the edge of introducing me to the world of work-induced dihorrhea.
Work is… challenging at the moment. We’ve recently moved premises, and there’s somewhat of a backlog at the moment. I’ve been working crazily all weekend, and feel like puking most of the time trying to work out how we’re going to rescue ourselves from this. I guess it’s nothing that can’t be overcome with hard work. And frankly? Masturbation is one of the only meditation techniques that seems to work for me, but beating off furiously under the desk every five minutes could prove difficult (I mean, my desk is one of the first you see when you walk into the office, and all).
Although that’s a topic Adam and I debate regularly. I’m all for the belief that having an undie-fumble before you go to sleep helps you nod off far more easily, whereas Adam firmly believes that it has quite the opposite effect. Who’s right here? Although, granted, I guess I’m yet to encounter porn titled “Happy Wank Sleepytime 3″.
It seems that Carolyn from The Apprentice can now be added to my small list of “Women I Could Curiously Pork”. For once, it’s not my seriously misguided fascination with breasts, but her ability to wallop a Bible’s worth of fury simply by moving her eyebrow a few millimetres and affixing her mouth into something that looks like a cat’s anus. She fucking hates everyone on that show, and she’s not afraid to say it. Lordy, I love her. It seems she has a book, too - maybe she can teach me how to work out management without constantly pooing my pants.
Briefly, on the topic of reality TV, I’ve been watching Survivor for the first time this series. You know how you pick your favourite little contestant on shows such as these, and mentally egg them on, usually because they’re the hottest? For some reason, I’m seriously fixated with Judd. And I know, I know, he’s a dumb fat meathead, who I noticed managed to invent the word “maletosterone” on the last episode. There’s no reasonable explanation why I’m so obsessed, except for him making ridiculous yet slightly hot comments like that. (Bear in mind, however, that I’ve previously loudly mentioned that I’m also in love with the butch Home Hardware dog).
Okay, I have to get ready for work. Maletosterone is the key to not freaking out about work. Maletosterone ahoy.
October 10th, 2005 at 9:06 am
I’m a big believer of the Pre-Sleep Pull.
October 10th, 2005 at 9:19 am
It’s a known factoid. My housemate and I have dedicated much research in this field and discovered that not only does having a quick fiddle before bed help you sleep better, it’s also the best thing to wake you up properly and set you up for the day!
October 10th, 2005 at 9:21 am
Ahh, but see, I’m extremely against the morning fiddle. I just want to go back to bed.
October 10th, 2005 at 10:15 am
I think a bedtime fiddle is the perfect way to get sleepy.
October 10th, 2005 at 10:34 am
nah, a wake-up wank is just as good.
actually, is there BAD time to have a wank?
with the exception of maybe a funeral, an all-staff work meeting or a court trial involving a rape charge, i say NO!
October 10th, 2005 at 12:39 pm
Meanwhile, why are you and Adam masturbating at all? Don’t you live together? Or are you Christians who wont touch each other until you get all married and such?
October 10th, 2005 at 12:42 pm
Hey, sometimes a dude likes to go to bed early!
October 10th, 2005 at 2:51 pm
Jeb, I agree with the night time pull. Sleepy bye byes…. all good.
You fancy Rusty from Home Hardware? hmmmmm. I work on that account I can easily photoshop you a loved up image if you like. S&M Rusty?
October 10th, 2005 at 3:06 pm
Sounds good, is he going to be wearing…. special hardware?
October 10th, 2005 at 5:45 pm
I have a thing for the blond dog from Home Hardware, Sandy. If I was a girl dog (or a boy dog, really), I’d do it with him, people-style.
It says a lot about the lads I go for.
October 10th, 2005 at 7:09 pm
Put me down as a Pre-Sleep Puller.
October 10th, 2005 at 8:02 pm
Pre and Post Sleep pulls for me.
Does Carolyn from The Apprentice remind anyone else of Maude Flanders?
October 11th, 2005 at 1:23 am
Hmmm… considering I have never fallen unconscious afterward I would say that masturbating is not my kryptonite. Just wanted to say the interesting thing about how much she has achieved since she is only 35. That just blows me away for some reason.
October 12th, 2005 at 10:08 am
I have a nice picture of rusty with a hot dog if you like Jeb. Take that how you will. And all SORTS of tools….
Now I feel dirty.
October 12th, 2005 at 8:33 pm
Pleasuring yourself before going to sleep is a weird one. If you’re tired and you do it, it may keep you awake, but in most cases it will be just what you need to get to sleep.
Carolyn is only 35?!
October 14th, 2005 at 8:18 am
I have to have a wank before I can go to sleep. It sucks when I have to share a room with someone like a friend or my sister if we go on holiday and I feel like I can’t.
If I want to have a nap in the middle of the day, it’s a nice way to get myself ready to sleep - which would be the only downside of having a nap room at work.
I think one of the reasons that I associate wanking with sleeping is that so far I’m only able to orgasm is if I’m lying flat on my back as well.
October 16th, 2005 at 1:55 am
The reason you sleep when wanking is bacause you are lying in bed…it’s a natral progression.
By the way, do you always need lube if you are circumcised?
October 16th, 2005 at 6:19 am
You can just use spit, but lube is a bit easier.