So I’ve whittled all the opportunities down to one of the best jobs I can think of: penning the lyrics to teen punk songs. Because really, this job now needs to be outsourced to generate the maximum angst-impact and ensure your music is stolen as much racking up as many sales as possible.
Simple Plan have […]

This is one of those life-lesson factlets you expect to pick up along the way, but this continues to allude me: how the hell are you supposed to wash a strainer?
You dip it in the water… all the crap stuck to it is hard to get out between the mesh. And it’s too hard […]

Goddamn if I don’t hate mobile freakin’ phones.
Mobiles used to be fine. Bleeping, kermit-green-screened Nokias which actually emitted ringtones that sounded like ringtones, not the latest Sugababes single reinterpreted as 80s Casio-goth-synth. When having Snake on your phone was an awesome, mindblowing extra feature.
And now what do we have? Blurry cameras which take useless drunken […]

The grand demolition of our front yard has begun. I’ll try and take some photos shortly - the whole living-in-a-fishbowl factor is proving worse than I thought. Builders suddenly materalised in our front yard halfway through Adam and I almost getting it on. Worse still, I can’t slyly pick boogers from my nose without fear […]

SURE, then. Alien Ant Farm’s cover of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal” was released almost…
FIVE YEARS AGO
Read it and weep

Last night I excitedly galloped down to the Gaelic Club to see the Mark of Cain on their first tour since… forever. Man, I’ve been looking forward to seeing them play live - never seen them before, even though I’ve been a fan since I hosted a seriously dodgy community radio show as a teenager. […]

Y’know how there’s those food facts people gleefully let loose… things you really didn’t want to know? I’m not talking about bullshit like KFC serving rabbit, but queasy facts that put you off your dinner quicker than Channel 10’s bright idea for Monday-to-Friday primetime viewing (an Australian version of The Biggest Loser? Five nights a […]

First, I was busy having an unexplained anxiety attack. Then a arrogantly career-climbing mosquito just stung me ON THE EYLID. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not my evening.
I’m off to continue playing The Movies until I can work out how to turn my studio into a polygon-tastic gay pr0n mecca. I’m sure there’s a […]

The concrete in our courtyard is not entirely unlike Kylie Minogue: from afar, there’s an apparent sheen and urban glamour to it. Upon closer inspection, it actually has many wrinkles and cracks. Oh, and it has cancer.
Seriously. Our courtyard has concrete cancer. Apparently it’s causing problems with the pipes underneath the courtyard. So, this coming […]

Man, I’m happy that Nein lost the rights to the footy. No more of the Nein bullshit like Eddie, the skycam (which was totally ridiculous for a game which pisses about all over the oval, not up and down the field like league does), ridiculous juggling of live matches with the NRL - although […]

OF COURSE I’ll be back to drinking alcohol before the week is out.
I think the underlying problem was my insatiable need to get absolutely plastered to the point where I couldn’t walk or talk on a weekly basis. What’s probably required are some new ground rules: no drinking before I go out to meet others […]

Adam and I have been discussing the possibility of living in London for a year at some stage. It’s a bit of a toss-up between a living space the rough area of Peter Costello’s anus in London, or living somewhere about an hour’s train trip away and getting a flat marginally larger.
What’s frustrating me - […]

So I’ve succesfully managed my first day back at work without plunging back into the world of liquor. Even after someone belatedly pushed a Secret Santa present my way - a bottle of wine. Luckily, wine is not something I’ve ever craved or been particularly fond of, so it’s just sitting on display in the […]

Most folks I know seem remarkably keen at what 2006 has to offer. Myself? Well, I’m feeling strangely ambivalent about 2006. There’s a little shakiness in the “what do I want to accomplish this year” department, I suppose. Most years I’ve grittily resolved to find a better job, but I’m pretty happy with the job […]