Well, thank you very much, Dr Karl. You’ve promptly destroyed one of my few remaining secret homo indulgences: burning incense. Here I was, innocently presuming the rancid odour of a bushfire-ravaged fern gully was peaceful and shit. Now I find out it’s the pollution equivalent of standing in the middle of a six-lane freeway […]

Occasionally Adam will become sidetracked from his boxing with obsessions over obscure martial arts. Previously it’s been krav maga, but now it’s vale tudo. He’s been downloading dodgy underground videos all day. The only problem is that after hours of viewing huge vale tudo fighters beat the shit out of each other, he’s all hyped […]

I’ve been trying to post here more often, but my new role at work has seen me pounding away furiously at a PC seven days a week. So I’m not being lame, I do have intentions to post here… I just hardly feel like getting home after a long day of blinking in front of […]

My ages-old iPod completely died in the arse on Friday, so I ashamedly purchased an iPod Scratcho today. It seems okay so far, but from what I can gather, it should have begun the highly functional and stylish Apple process of self-destruction in a few days, finally decomposing as a metal husk resembling nothing more […]

I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or wildly excited: an Australian version of The Man Show begins filming later this year for the Comedy Channel. IN QUEENSLAND. Does Blokesworld really need a competitor?

Is recycling paper as useless as trying to drink an Extra Dry at a reasonable pace, without foam spoofing out of the bottle after every swig? (It’s not just me, is it?)
Seriously. I’ve always gone to extremely unreasonable efforts to avoid littering and make sure I’m recycling. But after my last job in Melbourne, I’ve […]

Last week, the guys who run the company I work at pulled me aside to let me know that my boss has taken on a new role within the company, and now I’ve taken her job for the time being. So it seems I’m in management all of a sudden, which frankly is constantly on […]

Have you ever found yourself casually ambling down a city street, only to encounter someone exiting a shop and joining the flow of pedestrians exactly alongside you? This results in the appearance that they’re actually accompanying you on your happy little stroll, and have been all afternoon. A sidewalk-jacker.
The more polite inflictor of this mildly […]

Now, we all know that the music accompanying porn is hardly the kind of material which inspires you to shell out money for a ringtone. However, I’ve encountered a recent trend in the soundtracks to sin of more recent porn: during the “moment of truth”, the music violently sweeps itself up into what I’m assuming […]

I didn’t believe it when I heard it either, but fellow Pepsi Max-injecting junkies rejoice! There’s a new (albeit temporary) flavour of Pepsi sprouting up like crabs in the Logan twins’ jocks across the country. Alerted to me by Kate and Henry (whose camera-phone skills I must acknowledge here), it seems that Pepsi Samba (yes […]

Alrighty, so I’ve been a little more than slack in updating. It seems the only way I’ll ever update more often is by writing shorter posts.
Adam and I have always firmly believed that Indian food is extremely similar to any Melbourne Comedy Festival TV Gala: smells like something freaking amazing, but upon consumption, you […]

I think you made a shit product by mistake. Har-har.
Nintendo DSesesetheth are only $175. Nintendo is the KING of shit puzzle games… with this price, I want one so hard that it makes me spring a leak. 1-UP.
I am viewing Serenity tomorrow. I want to hug a man named Jayne.
Some Space Ghost Coast to […]

…but I don’t have a cat, Buffy memorabilia, a comics collection, a freshly baked cake, Flickrrhea, a motorbike, the lack of self-respect required to produce photos of your own genitals for Gaydar, or a self-made Harry Potter costume.
So, patently, I have no need for a camera, as far as the internet goes.
Meanwhile, anyone else on […]

It looks like Adam’s landed a full time job at a pretty big ad agency, which is great. Now he can help create propaganda and make bad things seem good on a full time basis! A classic example is Liquorland opening tiny “Express” stores, while trumpeting that the new stores have a…
Streamlined selection for easy […]

I was lucky enough to see Nine Inch Nails last night… that’s definitely going on my top 5 gigs of all time. Unfortunately, this morning my hearing is still shot to shit, so I can only communicate via nautical flags for now.
I’m not so sure about this Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. Yeah, I […]

Just when I’m happily taking my time on a leisurely, ambling Sunday afternoon walk, I hear this awful noise from behind a fence: a cat retching its guts out.
Upon noticing my presence, it puts the regurgitation on pause, and angrily stumbles in front of me, glares intensely, then vomits profusely.
It’s one thing to notice some […]

So my experiment to stay continuously drunk nine days straight has hit a slight snag. Occasionally I keep passing out and waking up sober. Everything is now refined to staying drunk at least 80% of the time, during PM hours. And I think I’m at least halfway successful in that respect.
Of course, being smashed and […]

Wow, Bob Carr resigned. I wonder if he’llBZZZZZZZZT - you totally thought I’d wanked myself into the blogosphere just then, didn’t you? Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Can I stay drunk for nine days in a row? I’m about to find out, because I have a week of annual leave next week, hooray! It’s just […]

This afternoon, I happened to notice a dude in the city wearing an pirate patch. It sure didn’t look like it was for medical reasons, either. I’ve totally been waiting for pirate patches to become cool, seeing as I’m blind in one eye anyway. I’d get one off eBay but I can only seem to […]

A family member who shall remain nameless, and who really should know better, sent me an amount of David Jones vouchers for my birthday.
So off I duly trundled, to go and cash in my present for… well, I wasn’t quite sure. This got me thinking: I can’t even remember the last time I visited David […]

You fuckers rule. Thanks for all the Microsoft Paint-created birthday presents. If I can keep this up, you guys will create 100% of the content for my site, and I won’t have to write a bleeding thing. I’ll be like the Courtney Love solo album of blogs.
Anyway, I got sent all sorts of fucked up […]

It’s my birthday! And all I’m asking for as presents, are gifts created entirely in Microsoft Paint. EMAIL ME YOUR BADLY DRAWN YET LUCRATIVE PREZZIES IMMEDIATELY!
Go on, fire up crappy ole Microsoft Paint and wack something up, then send it to me: jeb at tastes like drunk dot com. I’ll post my birthday swag showcase […]

My beloved Catties lost their match against Sydney on Saturday - the only match of the year I’ll get to see them play. In fact, not so much lost their match as suffered a public double-penetration in multiple orifices. Got me buggered what causes that team to fall apart every time they dare step foot […]

Considering how our yuppie stereotype neighbours languish in their Craig-David-Robbie-Williams-Dido-Freedom-Furniture-Showroom existence, it’s a godsend that our other neighbour keeps to himself. Well, in a reserved, creepy, John Burgess kinda way.
There’s not much that we know about this guy, mostly because he doesn’t flail around in his front yard with dislocated wrist bones, wailing about how […]

Adam and I, in an attempt to proactively eliminate any drunken pizza orders, have lately been ensuring that we have frozen pizza and frozen garlic bread on hand at all times. Those Pizza Hut bills sure do add up (even if you try that hack on their site which gives you super cheap meal deals […]